The 5 Types Of People Who Will Ruin Your Life

Can you trust the person you're dating? The new employee at work? Your neighbor? You have to decide—often in seconds—based on very little information. Here's the good news: You can trust 80 to 90 percent of people to be who they say they are, to do what they say they'll do, and to follow most of the social rules that help us live together.

Now, the bad news: There are people who can ruin your life. They will destroy your reputation, your self-esteem or your career, and, sometimes, cost you your very life.

Here, I will summarize the personality characteristics of the 5 types of people who will ruin your life as well as the typical traits of the High Conflict Personality type, which is more common. If you recognize any of these traits in someone you know, and you’re not able to walk away just yet, for whatever reason, please consider getting help from a professional coach or therapist who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse. You may feel trapped now, and in many ways YOU ARE, but you are not alone. Through awareness and guidance, you can set yourself free!

High Conflict People Rarely Change! According to Bill Eddy of The High Conflict Institute these folks make up about 10 percent of humanity—1 person in 10. In North America, that's more than 35 million people. Each of these people has an extreme version of what I call a high-conflict personality (HCP). Most of us try to resolve or defuse conflicts, but people with high-conflict personalities compulsively escalate disagreements. They usually do this by focusing on targets of blame, whom they mercilessly attack—verbally, emotionally, financially, litigiously and sometimes violently—often for months or years, even if the initial conflict was minor.

Typical Traits - 

  • Blaming Others “all your fault”

  • They can’t see their role in any conflict

  • Will often pick a Target Of Blame, zeroing in on this one person as the cause of all their problems. They want to control this person - or eliminate, destroy or humiliate

  • They will often target a close relationship, partner or family member, but also likely to choose someone in authority to target, like a boss, coworker, or government official, even whole enterprises.

  • All or Nothing thinking - Black/White “my way or the highway”

  • Unmanaged Emotions and extreme behavior - physical and verbal abuse. Crying, yelling and stomping out of the room. Rage.

  • Playing The Victim - “Everyone is against me”

Things To Avoid When Up Against an HCP

  • Don’t get too close. It’s ok to be a friend, but don’t become a close friend.

  • Avoid Conflict If Possible - you’re not going to change their mind and any attempt will put you at risk of being their target. Challenging them is when they turn against you.

  • Don’t bring up the past to prove a point. They won’t see it and it will only fuel their fire.

  • Don’t EVER tell them they have a personality disorder!

The Narcissist - Most common 6% of the population has this disorder - 22 million of them! “That’s enough of me talking about myself; let’s hear you talk about me”

  • Lacks Empathy

  • Inflated sense of importance and entitlement

  • Arrogant

  • Constant need for attention

  • Perceived superiority

  • Reacts negatively to criticism

  • Exaggerates achievements and talents

  • Reacts negatively to criticism

  • Preoccupied with fantasies about power, success, and beauty

  • Takes advantage of others

  • Has an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of other people

  • Think DONALD TRUMP

The Borderline Personality - Love you/Hate you - a close 2nd to narcissist in population “I hate you! Get over here and love me!”

  • Charming one minute, screaming at you the next

  • Often move quickly through relationships and then expect you to take care of them in between

  • Fear of abandonment

  • Wide and rapid mood swings

  • Sees people as all good or all bad, no middle ground

  • Fragile self image

  • Unstable relationships

  • Frequent, intense displays of anger

  • Think GLENN CLOSE IN FATAL ATTRACTION

The Anti-Social/Con Artist - 3.6% of the population and 70% of them are male. “Trust me”

  • There are 2 types - very cruel for the sheer pleasure of it (TED BUNDY/psychopath) and general con artists who wants something and doesn’t care if you’re in the way (BERNIE MADOFF/sociopath)

  • Failure to obey laws and norms - criminal activity

  • Lies and manipulates for profit or amusement

  • Impulsive

  • Agressive

  • Blatant disregard for safety - self or others

  • Lack of remorse

  • These types can often have overlapping narcissist and borderline disorders making them extremely dangerous.


The Paranoid/Suspicious - about 4% of the population “Everyone is out to get me.”

  • Inclined to verbally attack, spread rumors or sue you

  • Sees conspiracies everywhere

  • Suspects without basis that others are exploiting. harming or deceiving

  • Preoccupied with doubts about loyalty, or trustworthiness of people

  • Reads hidden meaning into benign remarks

  • Holds a grudge and is unforgiving

  • Think MICHAEL DOUGLAS IN FALLING DOWN


The Histrionic - 2% of the population “I will DIE without you!”

  • Needs to be the center of attention always

  • Speaks in dramatic all or nothing terms

  • Exaggerated emotions

  • Interactions are usually inappropriately seductive or provocative

  • Shows quickly changing and shallow expressions of emotions

  • Uses appearance to attract attention

  • Easily influenced by others

  • Views relationships as more intimate than they are

  • Thinks ANNA NICOLE SMITH OR MARILYN MONROE


So, How Will You Know?

  • Watch for patterns of all or nothing thinking, unmanageable emotions and extreme behavior

  • Listen to their words (“the most, the worst, best, absolutely, never, always, unforgivable etc)

  • Listen to how they talk to people and how they talk about former friends and partners

  • Check your emotions - pay attention to how you feel. You have primitive wiring and it works!


Now What?

To begin with get very clear on what you want, what’s important to you. What do you want in your relationships? How do you want your relationships to look?

Starting from here, knowing what you want, vs trying to fix what’s not right or working takes it in a whole different direction because it sets the foundation of what you are willing to put up with. Dicide what limits you need to set in order to sustain what you want. Decide just how much of your precious energy and time you are willing to give. “here is the limit and here is what I will do if you cross it”

The bottom line, don’t try to decipher which personality disorder you are trying to deal with. Ask yourself “how do I feel in this relationship” and focus on that!

For more information on “The 5 People Who Will Ruin Your Life” and to find ways to manage your exposure to them, be sure to check out Bill Eddy, The High Conflict Institute

Bonnie Blackstone